Biblical Womanhood and Marriage

What it means to be a woman, and the biblical image of a marriage.

I recently spoke at an event called Refuge Ruckus, which was a fundraiser event for Kaleb House. I and Amy from Torah Sisters were asked to speak on biblical womanhood, but we only had a very short time to speak.

During that talk, I had to cut down a lot of my content so that I could fit it into the time appointed. There were many people who wanted to watch the talk but couldn’t. Many of the sessions at the event were filmed, but the women’s session was not.

I wanted to take the time to share what I talked about there, but also give y’all the “extended version” with more of what I had had hoped for the time to speak on.

Go through this Bible Study in video form below:

Biblical Womanhood & Marriage

In this time that we live in, we are witnessing a culture that seems to have a hard time defining what a woman is. Apparently only biologists are qualified to tell if someone is a woman or a man, and their expertise is even questionable. There was even a movie made, titled “What is a woman?”

At the same time we see a counter culture of young women who are embracing femininity and you see Instagram accounts that frequently use terms like “I’m in my sourdough era, my flower era, even young women embracing “grannycore” because they wear an apron and can jellies and bake bread.

There seems to be a lot of ideas of what a woman is or isn’t, but the great thing for us, is that we have a Most High God who knows exactly who we are, and what He created us to be.

When we look right at the beginning of the bible in Genesis 2:18, we begin to see what His design was.

“Adonai, God, said, “It isn’t good that the person should be alone. I will make for him a companion suitable for helping him.” (CJB)

Other translations use a variety of terms in this verse, such as:

a well-matched helper for him
a helper that is right for him
an help meet for him

What is a “HELP MEET”?

To better understand this term, let’s look at the Hebrew.

There are 2 words used there that are translated as the phrase describing the soon-to-be Eve.

ʿēzer k’negedo (AY-ZAHR K’-NE-GED-OH)

When I was in high school, I studied Latin, and I learned about language and words having roots.

For instance, in English we have equine or equestrian and those come from the Latin word equus, equi which is horse and horses.

Hebrew is no different and also has words with roots, and sometimes those roots have roots. Each adds layers of meaning to the word or words.

‘Ezer k’negedo

The first word ‘ezer means: help, succour, one who helps

The root of ‘ezer is ʻâzar – it is a primitive root which means to surround, i.e. protect or aid:—help, succour.

Think of a mother hen protecting her chicks.If you’ve ever raised chickens, you know a mother hen is nothing to be trifled with. Is it any wonder that evolutionists think birds are actually just modern day dinosaurs?

But this “helper” is one that is protective, and nurturing. It is also implied that it is someone who helps another obtain or reach some sort of goal.

This word is used several times in the bible, and most of the time it is referring to God himself. This is not a subservient helper.

K’neged-o

The second word in the phrase ʿēzer k’negedo comes from the root word neged, has both a prefix and suffix

The prefix “k” means like. The suffix “o” means “of him” or “his.”

The root “neged” means:

In front of

in the presence of

opposite of

contrasting

conspicuously in front of

face to face

It also means:

to stand in front of

to lead

to announce

to clear the way

You’ll notice that this is in front of and face to face, not behind or below. This is a matched pair who see eye to eye.

Let’s dig into the word “contrasting” for a moment.

When I was young, I was a bit of an artist. I was constantly drawing, painting, sculpting …all the things. I took art classes and one of the things I learned about was color as a tool.

When we look at a color wheel, we know that there are colors that are opposite one another. These colors are called contrasting colors. Often we think of them as colors that clash. They are completely different. Warm colors vs. cool colors. But the beauty of these contrasting colors, is what their second name is: Complementary.

These contrasting colors complement one another. When they are used together properly and in balance, they enhance the traits of one another.

So when you look at the Hebrew phrase ezer k’negedo, and look at the roots and the picture the words paint, what you see is a woman being described as:

A helper like him, that stands face to face, complementing, enhancing and refining his traits, clearing the way for him to serve the purpose and mission that was given to him by God.

The very meaning of the words used to describe a “woman,” ezer k’negedo, defines who we are also supposed to be as a wife.

When colors are not balanced with one another, and one overpowers the other, you end up with some pretty ugly hues. There is no beauty there. Think: baby poop green.

It is the same in the relationship of husband and wife. A husband shouldn’t try to overpower his wife. A wife shouldn’t try to overpower her husband. When husband and wife complement each other, it is a thing of beauty. But when we clash, there’s nothing pretty about it.

This imbalance effects the health of their relationship, their children’s wellbeing, and it is ripples out from there.

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The Proverbs 31 Woman

I want to talk briefly about the quintessential wife that we read about in Proverbs 31. In the King James bible it says:

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” (verses 10-12)

From there it goes on to describe all of the ways she is the epitome of an amazing woman, wife, mother, business owner, etc.

But let’s look at verse 10 again. When you look at a collection of translations, that adjective, “virtuous” is translated many ways: virtuous, worthy, capable, excellent, noble, wise

The word in Hebrew is khah’-yil.

Khah’yil means: efficient, strength, valor, mighty, powerful, the force of an army! Our Creator didn’t design women to be shrinking violets.

He designed us to challenge our husbands to be mighty warrior priests of the homes. To enable them to be the leaders of the family. Wives are to be that empowering force that enhances and brings out those traits in her husband.

A Woman of Valor

While we see countless examples all through scripture of brave, mighty and strong men, we also see some examples of women filling that role as well. What better example do we have than the one we see in the book of Judges chapter 4?

“Now D’vorah, a woman and a prophet, the wife of Lapidot, was judging Isra’el at that time. She used to sit under D’vorah’s Palm between Ramah and Beit-El, in the hills of Efrayim; and the people of Isra’el would come to her for judgment. She sent for Barak the son of Avino‘am, from Kedesh in Naftali, and said to him: “Adonai has given you this order: ‘Go, march to Mount Tavor, and take with you 10,000 men from the people of Naftali and Z’vulun. I will cause Sisra, the commander of Yavin’s army, to encounter you at the Kishon River with his chariots and troops; and I will hand him over to you.’”

Barak answered her: “If you go with me, I’ll go; but if you won’t go with me, I won’t go.” She replied, “Yes, I will gladly go with you; but the way you are doing it will bring you no glory; because Adonai will hand Sisra over to a woman.” Then D’vorah set out and went with Barak to Kedesh. Barak summoned Z’vulun and Naftali to come to Kedesh. Ten thousand men followed him, and D’vorah went up with him.” Judges 4:5-11 (CJB)

And you probably know the rest of the story. Sisra ran away from the battle, took cover in the tent of Ya‘el the wife of Hever. She brought him into the tent, lulled him to sleep with milk and a blankie and promptly drove a tent peg through his skull! That is a woman who was “khah’-yil.” Mighty, strong and full of valor.

Then Judges goes on to show that just like when the people sang songs about David’s victories, they sang of the victory of D’vorah (Deborah) and Ya’el. Israel thrived for 40 years under D’vorah’s leadership.

I kind of laugh a little when I read Judges 4, because this relationship between Devorah and Barak was almost like what you see in modern times, where people say they have a “work wife or work husband.” Barak would do what he was supposed to do, but only if his “work wife” was at his side.

But I have one thing to say about this. Ladies, you don’t want your husband to have a need for a work wife to support him and help him complete his work, and be the warrior he was meant to be.

Of course we should love our husbands and respect our husbands. That is their love language after all. (Eph 5:22-24,33; 1 Cor. 11:3; Titus 2:1-15; 1 Peter 3:1, etc.) We should encourage and lift up our husbands.

Think again how the perfect woman is described as a woman VALOR. A woman who is strong, mighty and the force of an army.

Story Time

When I was in the army, going through Basic Combat Training, we had what was called “ranger buddies” or “battle buddies.”

This was a fellow trainee that was your partner. We looked out for one another. We pushed each other to do better in training. We protected each other’s back, went everywhere together.

We always knew where the other was, stayed accountable to one another and were a team.

When we remember that we live in a word of spiritual battles where EVERYTHING that is good is under attack, even the very definition of what a woman IS…You need your battle buddy. And that is your husband.

Husbands and wives stand as partners, complementing one another, being the other half of one another. Scripture describes the relationship as becoming one flesh. We fight for one another as we are fighting for our very own lives.

“The man-person (Adam) said, “At last! This is bone from my bones and flesh from my flesh. She is to be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” This is why a man is to leave his father and mother and stick with his wife, and they are to be one flesh.” Genesis 2:23-24 (CJB)

When you become a Christian, a follower of our Messiah Jesus (Yeshua) you come into a covenant. You are now part of the family of God (Eph. 6). You are part of a new blood line. Isn’t it interesting that the relationship with the Father and His people is also often compared to the covenant of a bride and groom?

When you get married, just like when you become a follower of the Messiah, you enter into a covenant. You have a new family, a new bloodline. In the Hebrew culture they even did a “mikvah” or baptism for the purpose of confirming this covenant.

When you are standing face to face, complementing one another and enhancing each other’s traits, as in the earlier description of the “helper,” you can clearly see over each other’s shoulders. When a danger approaches and tries to ambush your husband, you have the line of sight to see what is coming. He also has the line of sight to see the danger approaching you. You literally have each others’ back.

a computer created image I had made for an illustration in this article

Yes, the husband is to be the protector of his family.

But so are you.

Let’s look once more at that biblical description of a woman, incorporating what Proverbs 31 says.

I can think of no better picture of this, than when a woman is becoming a mother. When giving birth she is brave and mighty, bringing forth a life into this world. Husbands today who are witness to the birth of their children, often later describe their wives as the strongest person they’ve ever met. They often stand in awe of their wives.

Then moments after the birth, that woman becomes nurturing, protective, and embracing that vulnerable life in her arms, knowing that she would fight like a lioness to protect the baby.

In Titus 2:5 we read that a godly woman is to be a “keeper of the home.” Let’s do one more brief word study.

What Does it Mean to “Keep”?

We are the keepers of the home. The word “keep” in the bible is used many, many times. For example, in Genesis 2:15 Adam was told to “keep” the garden. We see that when the God of Israel brough the Hebrews out of Egypt, He told them to “keep my shabbats” (Exodus 31:14), “keep my commandments” (Leviticus 18:26), and the list goes on.

In each of these instances, the word “keep” was šāmar. Sāmar is used 468 times in the bible, and the word šāmar means: to keep, observe, give heed, preserve, protect and save life, to be a watchman, to guard.

And what about the New Testament Greek? In Titus 2, the word is oikourgos, which means the watch or keeper of the house.

But once again, let’s dig a little deeper and look at the root of oikourgos.

The roots of oikourgos are oikos: house, and oûros: to guard; be “ware.”

A biblical woman is more than just aprons, sourdough, cooking homemade food and canning. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I mean, I have been a food and lifestyle blogger for 2 decades and started it as a ministry to women.

A Love Affair with Aprons | Cosmopolitan Cornbread

But a woman is also someone who battles for her husband and children.

One of our most important tools – or should I say weapons – for helping our husbands is prayer for him, and if you can – pray with him. We fight spiritual battles that come against our families, our children, our loved ones, the land where we live, and more. We fight by prayerfully teaching our children about the goodness, compassion and holiness of God. Training them up to carry it on to the next generation.

One Last Look

Let’s take one final and expanded look at the biblical description of a woman:

A helper for him: nurturing, protective, mighty, strong, with the force of an army, that stands face to face, complementing, enhancing and refining his traits. She clears the way for him to serve the purpose and mission that was given to him by God. She guards and protects the home, watching for spiritual battles and fighting to protect those she loves just as she would battle for her very own life and soul.

From the beautiful complementary colors on the color wheel, to the keeper and guard of your home, you are truly your husband’s other half. You stand with him as he leads the family. You make him complete and you fight with him and for him. You bring balance to him and help him be his best, just as he should do for you.

Women of God, you have incredible purpose in God’s plan for the marriage and the family. You are the nurturing, caring, comforting, loving wife and mother. But you are also armed with shoes, a breastplate of armor, belt, shield, sword, and helmet.

“Use all the armor and weaponry that God provides, so that you will be able to stand against the deceptive tactics of the Adversary. For we are not struggling against human beings, but against the rulers, authorities and cosmic powers governing this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm. So take up every piece of war equipment God provides; so that when the evil day comes, you will be able to resist; and when the battle is won, you will still be standing. Therefore, stand! Have the belt of truth buckled around your waist, put on righteousness for a breastplate, and wear on your feet the readiness that comes from the Good News of shalom. Always carry the shield of trust, with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the Evil One. And take the helmet of deliverance; along with the sword given by the Spirit, that is, the Word of God; as you pray at all times, with all kinds of prayers and requests, in the Spirit, vigilantly and persistently, for all God’s people.”

Ephesians 6:11-18 (CJB)

Download or Print this Study Below

Biblical Womanhood and Marriage by Constance Smith Download

Graphic images used to illustrate this study were created using Grok then edited by me.